Tongue-twistingly terrible typos…
By
An instrument of torture
Let’s face it, the English language is screwed up. I’ve been writing for some US clients recently, and the small nuances and pitfalls that come from being an English person writing in a US world never cease to amaze me.
I put a line of text in to someone’s web page the other day, which said ‘all this, for a one off payment of $250’. It was laughed right back at me. I had no idea Americans didn’t use that phrase! There are so many more little hiccups in the way I write that mark me out as being an English writer. I’m learning all the time, but it’s a long road!
Anyway – here is further proof that language is a sick and twisted vehicle…Check these out.
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8 ) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
The fourth one makes me laugh – Polish/polish. I was in a garage the other day with my half-Polish husband and my sister-in-law. There was a sign up by the carwash that said ‘Polish massage’. I turned to Paul and Lisa, and asked them what a Polish massage was. They stared at me. I went red. I thought it was some sort of special Eastern-European technique to get your bodywork buffed.
Add to this apostrophes, typing errors and dialect, and it soon becomes apparent that we’ll never really get our heads around this messed up language of ours!
You are a Very Skilled Blogger, You either have first hand knowledge of what your talking about or you did some great research. Thanks for this wonderful post.
Re (9): Surely there is is no such word as ‘dove’ (second usage), that’s just an American bastardisation.
Must agree about the English language being a funny old thing though.
Ahh you’re right! Is it dived? The dove dived sounds a bit weird. Thank you for commenting Alan – lovely to see you on here! Jen x
Hi Jen,
First, “dove” is a proper inflected form of the verb “dived”, so it does indeed exist.
I tutor middle school level English grammar, and word usage along with their double and triple meanings drives my students crazy. I often tell them to use a different word to keep from using the same word with a different meaning in the same sentence.
When they ask why English is so hard, I tell them I don’t know, but it is, and it seems the whole world is glutton for punishment because English is getting to be the most used language in the world. On top of that, there are slightly different rules and spellings depending on whether you are learning the Queen’s English, American English, Canadian English, Australian English or any form of African English. Is there an Irish English???
I found Latin, Spanish, and German far easier than English, and English is my first language!!! Especially Latin…there were no exceptions to the rules. Spanish and German had few rule exceptions. English? For every rule there seems to be an exception.
If you aren’t taught to speak and write properly from the beginning of language use, it seems extremely difficult to learn it and incorporate it into your every-day life. What surprises me now is common, slightly improper English has arrived in places where proper English used to be required at all times, like TV News. Proper English is, thankfully, still required in school.
The use of text messaging seems to be bastardizing English totally and thoroughly as the abbreviations creep into email messages, and then into memos and papers. I wonder what another 20 years of texting and Twittering will do to the language?
Sherri
Sherri–Being the Change I Wish to See´s last blog ..Twisted bin Logic…Beware!
That old typewriter really does look like a machine of torture! I remember playing with these as a child, my Grandmother worked for the local paper so had a heap of these old things lying round the house…these days they are actually quite valuable if well preserved.
Rose @ Reaper Costumes´s last blog ..Grim Reaper Halloween Costumes