On lunacy…

It’s been a funny few weeks, recently. The launch of the novel has led to a myriad repercussions which I didn’t fully consider until it was published and promoted. I’m published with Chipmunka, who specialise in releasing texts with a mental health theme. Coming out of the closet as someone with Bipolar is a bit like admitting you wear mismatched underwear.* It’s something you don’t necessarily want the world to know about.

When I was first diagnosed I was horrified. It felt like I had suddenly lost my identity, because rather than simply having, or suffering from, Bipolar Disorder, you are Bipolar. The language is subtle, but has massive ramifications.  The inference is that you become it; it takes over your life, and suddenly you are nothing but a big red label which everyone can see when they look at you.

The truth is, Bipolar can be like that at times, taking over your life, work, relationship and sense of self. On the other hand, people live brilliantly with it and it can fade in to the background a bit like the aforementioned underwear when the whites turn to grey.

I am happy to have Bipolar. I am categorically not happy to be Bipolar. I want to be Jen, and if sometimes that person is acting a little mad, then what the hell? People have been telling me that for years! If I had to choose any illness, I’d pick this one. I am following in the footsteps of a long line of geniuses who have the same condition. If I work really hard and keep writing and developing, who knows? Maybe some of that magic dust will rub off on to me. I’ll keep you posted!

Now I’m out of the closet, I want to share two conversations I had recently, which have made me laugh a lot since they took place:

GP: This new medication will probably go a long way to helping your psychiatric problems

Me: I hate that phrase

GP What would you prefer?

Me: Lunacy

GP: OK. Helping your lunacy

Me: Better!
CPN: Drinking alcohol will make things worse. We have to find new ways of dealing with things.

Me: Like crack?

CPN: Yes. No. No.

Me: Sorry.

 *This obviously never applies to me. Especially if my Mum reads this.